Post by Father on Oct 14, 2018 22:27:51 GMT 1
With all that have been going on at this tourney, a man might have been forgiven for having paid scarce attention to the antics of the Lord Protector of the Low Gardens, the wicked little man have been active enough over the past few days, hurling insults, japes and rodents at unsuspecting victims, and exchanging barbs and bawdy tales with those with the courage for it.
But today is the day that the fool of all fools have decided that he no longer will have it, this is not the tourney of Breakspear and Blackfyre, of Tanda or Amerei, of brother against brother or some silly little squabble about a most uncomfortable chair some upstart forged with the fire of extinct creatures of fable. No, this is above all the tourney of fools, great and small, and Lord Butterbumps the fifteenth of his name is the grandest fool that ever was, and ever will be, and he will not suffer rivals to the attention of his guests.
His day of reckoning begins in front of the sept, where he is garbed in a septon's attire, split in two right below the waist to give way to an oversized and eerily lifelike wooden phallus, stiff as timbre. He wears a wig of black hair that makes a passable resemblance to that of Septon Abelar, his imitation of voice and mannerisms would make any mummer proud as he strides around the courtyard in front of the sept propositioning to passing ladies, but the true mastery of his skill is in how he cannily and almost disturbingly replicates Abelar's denunciations and threats of hellfire and Brimstone that awaits all who turn down the blessings of the seven that are one, personified in him of course. Only the most stone-hearted manages to hold back their laughter. Lady Mya Rivers leans down to complement and feel the strength and size of his manhood, and declares that he is far too much of a man to fit inside of her, she would rupture inside and bleed out, however pleasant way that would be to go, she is not quite ready yet. Her sister Gwenys appears to be unable to decide whether or not she should be shocked or amused at her sister's antics.
It continues at the jousting lists, where clad in his ridiculous armor and riding upon the enormous hog, he challenges such knights as he passes by. When he comes upon Lord Eldon, he greets him and suggests that he should set aside his betrothal to Lady Alicent in favor of fair Gertrude. The fat man turns red faced, and then Lord Bryce goes on to say that clearly, Lord Eldon has been left speechless in the presence of such a gorgeous and lovely lady, and surely would be delighted to meet with her lord father to feast upon a trough filled with the bounty of the Low Garden and work out the details. As just about everyone laughs heartily at the scene, Lord Eldon's shade of embarrassed pink takes on the complexion of purplish rage. Whether by whim or deft quick thinking to avert disaster, Butterbumps makes his way to slam his lance onto Daeron's shield, making a loud suggestion that the Great Bastard's tactics in the joust really stems from a suppressed desire to have the gallant knights of the Reach on their backs with him atop...he licks his fingers and rubs the nipple of his breastplate suggestively, saying that no gallant knight could ever match him for attractiveness.
At the end of the day, he makes a final appearance just as the dance is about to begin and the ladies prepare themselves for the dance at one side, he appears all dressed in green, wearing a crown of vines and flowers and his gloves a dark green in stark contrast with the lighter color of the rest of his attire, he does not fail to call attention to his codpiece of grotesque size. He makes a short little speech about opening up this oldest and noblest of traditions of the Reach that he started, well, aside from filling it with Flowers, of course. He then proceeds to "bless and ripen" the maids, he warms up with deft little feints and touches, but grows bolder after Lady Ysilla Flowers gives him a solid hug, kisses him on the cheek and promptly steals his crown, he demands to have it back, she replies that the one he had is now hers, but he can have the one she came with, he grumblingly accepts the trade while she beams in triumph as Mya Rivers and Shiera Seastar makes a show about crowning her the green queen.
He then start flitting about around the legs of the ladies, indecently touching their thighs, but it is not before he reaches Lady Janna Hightower that he gets naughty, pushing up the hem of her gown almost so far as to threaten to reveal if she is wearing anything underneath soliciting a youthful squeal full of fright and delight, according to a somewhat disputed tradition, one should not wear anything but the dress, and his comments seems to indicate that she is honoring those traditions. Doubtful, as very few ladies would even consider to go without some additional coverings. Next she moves on to Lady Alicent Yronwood, but she snatches his hand and gives him a good dancing spin, follows up as if she takes the role of a man performing this dance and then with a smirk on her face puts her foot out to trip him, so he tumbles backwards, with several quick small steps that draws attention to her bouncing breasts she makes her way back to the line where she leans forward to blow him a kiss. He pouts with his arms crossed in mock embarrassment and anger, commenting on how those promised to others wasn't supposed to partake in the dance, even if those others were about to set them aside for the lovely lady Gertrude, not difficult to see why given lady Alicent's foul disposition and Dornish manners.
All players may have their characters react to his antics and behavior in this thread, characters may also actively engage with him, whether as outlined below or simply through having their characters address him, any who do might find themselves at the receiving end of his appetite for taunting, ridicule and the creation of delightful chaos (which he is quite adept at causing). It is possible for separate scenes to be spun out of this event.
You may attempt to use Butterbumps as the middleman for a single rumor action, if successful, the rumor can only be traced back to him (but you are at the mercy of his alleged discretion of never snitching on his sources). A few modifications applies:
-A rumor must target a specific individual, it must be "fresh" (if something similar exists in the almanac, it is not) and it must be scandalous.
-A rumor must use Persuasion(Convince), and must beat a TN of the targets passive status(reputation)+chivalry/virtue.
-A rumor targeting a Tyrell, a Targaryen or Daemon Blackfire will be rejected.
-All other effects of the rumor are resolved against the standard TN's, but the test receives a +5 bonus on top of the persuasion test because nobody can slander like Butterbumps.
-You cannot add your status to the test.
But today is the day that the fool of all fools have decided that he no longer will have it, this is not the tourney of Breakspear and Blackfyre, of Tanda or Amerei, of brother against brother or some silly little squabble about a most uncomfortable chair some upstart forged with the fire of extinct creatures of fable. No, this is above all the tourney of fools, great and small, and Lord Butterbumps the fifteenth of his name is the grandest fool that ever was, and ever will be, and he will not suffer rivals to the attention of his guests.
His day of reckoning begins in front of the sept, where he is garbed in a septon's attire, split in two right below the waist to give way to an oversized and eerily lifelike wooden phallus, stiff as timbre. He wears a wig of black hair that makes a passable resemblance to that of Septon Abelar, his imitation of voice and mannerisms would make any mummer proud as he strides around the courtyard in front of the sept propositioning to passing ladies, but the true mastery of his skill is in how he cannily and almost disturbingly replicates Abelar's denunciations and threats of hellfire and Brimstone that awaits all who turn down the blessings of the seven that are one, personified in him of course. Only the most stone-hearted manages to hold back their laughter. Lady Mya Rivers leans down to complement and feel the strength and size of his manhood, and declares that he is far too much of a man to fit inside of her, she would rupture inside and bleed out, however pleasant way that would be to go, she is not quite ready yet. Her sister Gwenys appears to be unable to decide whether or not she should be shocked or amused at her sister's antics.
It continues at the jousting lists, where clad in his ridiculous armor and riding upon the enormous hog, he challenges such knights as he passes by. When he comes upon Lord Eldon, he greets him and suggests that he should set aside his betrothal to Lady Alicent in favor of fair Gertrude. The fat man turns red faced, and then Lord Bryce goes on to say that clearly, Lord Eldon has been left speechless in the presence of such a gorgeous and lovely lady, and surely would be delighted to meet with her lord father to feast upon a trough filled with the bounty of the Low Garden and work out the details. As just about everyone laughs heartily at the scene, Lord Eldon's shade of embarrassed pink takes on the complexion of purplish rage. Whether by whim or deft quick thinking to avert disaster, Butterbumps makes his way to slam his lance onto Daeron's shield, making a loud suggestion that the Great Bastard's tactics in the joust really stems from a suppressed desire to have the gallant knights of the Reach on their backs with him atop...he licks his fingers and rubs the nipple of his breastplate suggestively, saying that no gallant knight could ever match him for attractiveness.
At the end of the day, he makes a final appearance just as the dance is about to begin and the ladies prepare themselves for the dance at one side, he appears all dressed in green, wearing a crown of vines and flowers and his gloves a dark green in stark contrast with the lighter color of the rest of his attire, he does not fail to call attention to his codpiece of grotesque size. He makes a short little speech about opening up this oldest and noblest of traditions of the Reach that he started, well, aside from filling it with Flowers, of course. He then proceeds to "bless and ripen" the maids, he warms up with deft little feints and touches, but grows bolder after Lady Ysilla Flowers gives him a solid hug, kisses him on the cheek and promptly steals his crown, he demands to have it back, she replies that the one he had is now hers, but he can have the one she came with, he grumblingly accepts the trade while she beams in triumph as Mya Rivers and Shiera Seastar makes a show about crowning her the green queen.
He then start flitting about around the legs of the ladies, indecently touching their thighs, but it is not before he reaches Lady Janna Hightower that he gets naughty, pushing up the hem of her gown almost so far as to threaten to reveal if she is wearing anything underneath soliciting a youthful squeal full of fright and delight, according to a somewhat disputed tradition, one should not wear anything but the dress, and his comments seems to indicate that she is honoring those traditions. Doubtful, as very few ladies would even consider to go without some additional coverings. Next she moves on to Lady Alicent Yronwood, but she snatches his hand and gives him a good dancing spin, follows up as if she takes the role of a man performing this dance and then with a smirk on her face puts her foot out to trip him, so he tumbles backwards, with several quick small steps that draws attention to her bouncing breasts she makes her way back to the line where she leans forward to blow him a kiss. He pouts with his arms crossed in mock embarrassment and anger, commenting on how those promised to others wasn't supposed to partake in the dance, even if those others were about to set them aside for the lovely lady Gertrude, not difficult to see why given lady Alicent's foul disposition and Dornish manners.
All players may have their characters react to his antics and behavior in this thread, characters may also actively engage with him, whether as outlined below or simply through having their characters address him, any who do might find themselves at the receiving end of his appetite for taunting, ridicule and the creation of delightful chaos (which he is quite adept at causing). It is possible for separate scenes to be spun out of this event.
You may attempt to use Butterbumps as the middleman for a single rumor action, if successful, the rumor can only be traced back to him (but you are at the mercy of his alleged discretion of never snitching on his sources). A few modifications applies:
-A rumor must target a specific individual, it must be "fresh" (if something similar exists in the almanac, it is not) and it must be scandalous.
-A rumor must use Persuasion(Convince), and must beat a TN of the targets passive status(reputation)+chivalry/virtue.
-A rumor targeting a Tyrell, a Targaryen or Daemon Blackfire will be rejected.
-All other effects of the rumor are resolved against the standard TN's, but the test receives a +5 bonus on top of the persuasion test because nobody can slander like Butterbumps.
-You cannot add your status to the test.