|
Post by Laena Pyre on Apr 21, 2019 14:38:56 GMT 1
[Chronologically, this occurs at/just after the Kingsbridge wedding festivities, following directly on from my post here.] In the end, Laena hadn't stayed long in her room. Her restless melancholy drove her to where she now sat, on a quiet balcony, overlooking the continuing festivities from a discreet distance. Her legs poke through the balusters of the balustrade, swinging in the night air, with her skirt bunched around her thighs. Meanwhile, she rests her chin on the saddle coping, save for when she lifts the half-empty wine bottle beside her, and drinks straight from the neck. Lady Rhonda Tyrell would likely be horrified at the conduct at one of her former ladies-in-waiting (once she'd been reminded as to Laena's identity at least), but fuck her. It's not like anyone ever uses this place. It's inconceivable that anyone would find her here.
|
|
|
Post by Trystane Sand on Apr 21, 2019 21:54:48 GMT 1
Unfortunately, she is not the only person to have thought that.
Behind her, there comes a thump, followed by a clatter and a muttered obscenity. Looking round, she sees Trystane, swaying drunkenly, trying to right a couple of silver goblets that he has knocked over on a side table by bumping into it. However, holding a wine bottle in one hand and a half-filled brandy bottle in the other is clearly compounding the issue of his impaired co-ordination.
He stops when he realises he's being observed and straightens up, letting the goblets fall back onto their sides, one rolling off the edge of the table and skittering across the floor.
Trystane gives Laena a sheepish look.
"Sorry, I thought nobody would be up here. You alright?"
|
|
|
Post by Laena Pyre on Apr 21, 2019 22:29:31 GMT 1
Laena is surprised and rather panicked by the noise behind her, until she turns around and sees who it is. Oh. It's just him. She takes a moment to calm down her heart and breathing before answering. "I'm a widow. I'm allowed to get melancholic and moody at a wedding. What's your excuse? Shouldn't you be down there" gesturing vaguely towards the celebrations "making friends and being all .. happy."
She frowns at the goblets. "Leave them. You're not helping, and they've got servants for that kind of thing."
|
|
|
Post by Trystane Sand on Apr 21, 2019 22:39:14 GMT 1
He wanders over and half sits, half flops down next to her, adopting a similar leg-dangling position, setting his brandy bottle down between them and taking a long draw from the neck of his wine bottle.
"Unattached people can get melancholic at a wedding too," he counters. "Or at least I think that's what the feeling is. It usually goes away when I'm drunk, but not this time," he sighs, peering down at the festivities.
"Do you plan on getting remarried someday? If that's not too personal a question."
|
|
|
Post by Laena Pyre on Apr 21, 2019 23:29:40 GMT 1
Laena shrugs. "I did. Really, finding a good husband was my primary goal at the Black Tourney. The way I figured it, I was smart, attractive - so long as you didn't compare me to my sisters, politically neutral, of proven fertility, charming, politically savvy, and, above all, modest.
"That last one was a joke.
"I was not blind to how undesirable House Starkwood was, nor my non-maiden status, but I felt my positive traits far outweighed the negatives." She sighed.
"Others disagreed."
She turns to him. "You know how many men were interested in me across the entire tourney? Two. That's it. Just two men. One was a lord, at least. I liked him. He was smart, savvy, charming ... I think I could have been happy with him." She takes a drink from her bottle. "So, of course, he was murdered. Because the world has nothing better to do than to shit on my hopes and dreams.
"The other man ..." She sighs. "I wish I knew. I *like* him. But him being unlanded and not due to inherit is the least of his problems. Still, I gave him a simple challenge: get both his and my families to agree to the match, without me putting my finger on the scales at all, and I'd take that as proof that my instinct that there was something special in him was correct, and I'd marry him.
"He failed. Utterly and completely.
"Still, throughout the tourney, he *said* a lot of the right things. And then I'd turn my back, and he'd do something else stupid. I still hope that, if he can but master his emotions, he could actually become truly formidable. But it just always seems like he loves his hate more than he likes me. You have to watch the hands with people, not the mouth. Words are wind. See what they *do*.
"Some days I think I'm just tormenting myself. That I should just give up all hope. Then others, I remember how he looked at me, like I'm water in the desert, and I let myself hope again. And then I start believing that he only sees me like that because I'm the only woman who'd display any interest in him. Of course, the only way he can prove *otherwise* is by leaving me for another woman, so there's a self-sabotaging belief if ever I had one. So I spend my life cycling between hoping he'll improve, fearing he'll go for another woman if he does, and giving up on the idea entirely."
A few moment's pause for her to catch her breath. "You probably just wanted a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer, didn't you?"
|
|
|
Post by Trystane Sand on Apr 21, 2019 23:53:14 GMT 1
Trystane chuckles softly and shakes his head, quickly stopping when he realises it makes him dizzy.
"Not at all. I only sought an honest answer, and I think I got that. I appreciate your candour. I'm sorry about what happened to that lord of yours, and that this other man is so... ambivalent. I can't say I'd feel differently in your position."
He takes another swig of wine.
"Of course, he's a complete fool if he doesn't sort it out. You'd be a credit to any House you joined, and a lot of men could really do with a clever and capable wife. What is this hate of his that draws him away from you?"
|
|
|
Post by Laena Pyre on Apr 22, 2019 9:00:45 GMT 1
"The Dornish." She replies bluntly, before raising her arms in an aggravated gesture. "And it's not even personal! I could understand it if a Dornishman killed his father or raped his mother or something. But no! It's all tied up in shit that happened before he was even born done by and to people he never met! He only learned it from the man he squired for. But if one person can teach him that, then another person dedicated enough can 'un-teach' him. Keep the subject away from the Dornish, and he's funny, charming, and easy to get along with. It's so *easy* to see the man he naturally is, then something Dornish comes up and it's like 'whoosh'" she waves a hand in front of her face. "All rational thought goes 'bye', and there's nothing but that implanted hatred, displacing the man I saw. It's utterly infuriating!"
|
|
|
Post by Trystane Sand on Apr 22, 2019 12:53:40 GMT 1
"That would indeed be infuriating," Trystane agrees. "I was going to offer to have a word, but I reckon that wouldn't help in this situation. It's a lot of work to rid someone of a hatred, even a rational one. Is he truly worth it to you? Or - and I mean absolutely no disrespect - is it possible that he just represents the easiest route to not being alone?"
|
|
|
Post by Laena Pyre on Apr 22, 2019 15:05:01 GMT 1
"I wouldn't ask you to, anyway. When it comes to fighting or war, I'm happy to let you men handle it. Otherwise, *I* act, rather than hiding behind others."
She considers his question a moment before shaking her head. "'Alone' isn't the problem. I could go down there right now," gesturing towards the party, "and well inside of an hour, find a man willing and able to sneak off for some private company. Not that I would, of course, but I could."
She takes a few moments consider how to phrase her next words. "You see a man. He's being manipulated through his hatred by those around him to do their dirty work. It is easy - oh so easy - to just sit back, shake your head, tut and spread gossip about what a bad man he is, how he's sure to end up a blackguard to rival the likes of Ser Rennifer.
"You can do that, or you can take a risk, extend a hand, and try to drag him off the path he's on. Proving that you are stronger than all the shit piled up in his head, stronger than those abusers around him, stronger than him. You are right, it's a lot of work to rid someone of a hatred, and it requires effort from both sides. You're right that it may all be for nothing.
"But if you succeed?" She looks into her cupped palm. "While to the world, you are still only a single person, to him, you *are* his world, beyond doubt. *That* ... that's not 'not lonely', that's ... true devotion. His heart, balls, and life are yours. That's rare and precious. Where the best most women can hope for is to be a valued mobile womb, that's precious, indeed."
She closes her fist, drops it, and snorts. "So, really, all I'm asking is to be worshipped like I'm one small step below the Seven. Really, is that so much to ask?"
|
|
|
Post by Trystane Sand on Apr 22, 2019 16:44:10 GMT 1
Trystane laughs heartily at that.
“Not much at all. Your ambitions are remarkably modest,” he jests. “All the more confirmation that he is a fool to not be already according you the worship you so richly deserve.”
Another drink from the wine bottle, and he gives Laena a sincere smile.
“If you care for this man, go get him. When will you see him next?”
|
|
|
Post by Laena Pyre on Apr 22, 2019 17:35:09 GMT 1
"The tourney at Whitewalls, most like. He's formidable in both joust and melee.
"At a time when he believed both he and the subject matter were anonymous, and that no-one was listening in - in other words, at a time when someone is most likely to be telling the truth - he said he loved me. No hesitation, no second-guessing himself, no ambiguity. He loved me. He further said that if I loved him back, he'll sacrifice, he'll change, he'll do whatever it takes.
"But he *also* said earlier that he'd have no problem getting both families' approval, and he failed. And that he'd win a particular duel without issue, which he lost. And others - he has a history of failing to keep his promises. Ladies who go 'Oh, I know he lied before, but *this time* I trust him' deserve everything they get. And I don't want to join their number.
"I don't think it's deliberate lying - I'm sure he absolutely believed it to be true. But that's the problem. If I could *just know* that this time, *this time*, when he says he'll be able to change, it's really, really true, I wouldn't be nearly so skittish."
|
|
|
Post by Trystane Sand on Apr 22, 2019 23:56:13 GMT 1
"Understandable. One can have the very best of intentions and truly believe that success is guaranteed, yet fortune may still interfere with one's plans. I'm no expert on matters of the heart, but it sounds to me like you would just have to accept him, risk of failure included. Love is a kind of faith, after all. Something you dive into without knowing what will happen. You can't really control how it goes, only try to make sure you can land softly if it collapses."
He snorts amusedly at his own pontification.
"But what do I know? If I took my own advice, I'd probably be dead in a duel or on the run in Essos many times over. I'm drunk anyway. Don't listen to me."
He taps his chin, a new thought surfacing from the mire of his drunken mind.
"And yet, him making the effort to change is probably more in his control than the outcome of a duel or talking round family members. It might take getting out from under those things though to make it work. Remove him from the bad influences that keep rekindling his undesirable behaviours. Running away into the sunset together might not be the right solution either though."
He looks from the party below over to Laena.
"Sorry, I'm blathering again. You're much cleverer than me. I shouldn't be presuming to advise you."
|
|
|
Post by Laena Pyre on Apr 23, 2019 1:10:54 GMT 1
"Except there's a difference between 'fortune interfering' and 'blatant overconfidence'. I knew from the start that convincing the families would be hard, but he has subsequently admitted in what he thought was private that he never even *considered* that they'd disagree.
"That kind of overconfidence is *terrifyingly* likely to prove fatal sooner rather than later.
"But then, if I want him, why should I not reach out and *take* him? What's to stop me? Risking being a widow *twice* over? I'm sure that would be a huge deterrent to the massive queue of men who are still interested in me after my first." The bitter sarcasm is clear.
"I know the answer, of course. It's obvious when I think about it. I'd no longer be 'Lady Laena', I'd be *his wife*. I have faith in my own capabilities. My own judgements. My ability to not have my reach exceed my grasp.
"I don't have faith in his. And I don't have faith I'd be able to get us out of the whole he'd dig.
"If love is a kind of faith, maybe that exact lack of *faith* is why I can never say that I love him, too.
"Eh." She shrugs. "If I weren't drunk, I wouldn't be discussing this. Might damage my aura of omnipotent omniscience. No harm in saying what you think - there's even odds I won't even remember it come morning."
|
|
|
Post by Trystane Sand on Apr 23, 2019 2:18:07 GMT 1
"So you can't be with him, and can't be without him. It would be romantic if it wasn't so tragic," Trystane sighs dramatically, though not unkindly, holding his wine bottle up to the light to gauge how much is left before taking another swig.
"You're probably right to listen to your instincts and not trust things will change. Most men are idiots who couldn't change their nature if their lives depended on it. And you told me yourself not to fall into the trap of thinking the best of people. Though that leaves the question of what you will do about it. Is he the jealous type who will make trouble if you try to find someone who can offer you more security?"
He reaches over and gives her shoulder a little squeeze.
"For what it's worth, I'm glad you're talking about it, whether you remember tomorrow or not."
|
|
|
Post by Laena Pyre on Apr 23, 2019 10:12:22 GMT 1
She chuckles darkly at his question. "I rather suspect the answer to that is a definite 'yes'. My own fault, really. I played too many games with his heart. While perhaps I may be able to eventually handle that, probably easier to just wait a year or two for him to get himself killed if I go that route."
She takes another drink from her bottle. "My education covered seducing a man with land to marry me, then wrapping him around my . finger. Indulging in ... personal feelings wasn't even mentioned in passing. 'Happiness' was just a synonym for 'power'. I'm really as blind as any wide-eyed naif in this matter."
|
|