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Post by Father on Oct 23, 2018 18:03:21 GMT 1
"Maybe I shall write me a book? The confessions of Butterbumps the dwarf! Aye! Aye! Aye!" He offers with smug satisfaction. "Like the Testimony of Mushrooms, only better! Multiple Volumes perhaps? Just this tourney would provide for a thick one."
"It will be treasured and hated in equal measure, but my words shall travel throughout the lives and times of dragon kings and kings to come after them and perused by maesters a thousand winters from now trying to glean which half can be believed, and which half one merely wish not to believe!" He jumps from one leg to the other with great enthusiasm. "Through my pen, I shall be immortalized, bringing joy and laughter for the uncounted unborn, oh yes, oh yes."
"What shall I write about the fierce septon Abelar, hmm? His eyes were like fire! Molten Fire! I say! But like a mummer's dragon, they only give off light, never heat, all threats and words duly ignored, he wanted other men to burn, always talking of a good roast, but never once delivered so much as a torch" He booms in his storyteller voice, imitating Abelar's upright walk and mannerisms. "He had his stick so firmly implanted up his own arse that he would have to twist his entire body to see what might be to his right or left, made it so very easy to notice when he oogled the mighty fine hips on bastard girls wearing tight skirts and tighter bodices as they walked away from him.
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Post by Septon Abelar on Oct 24, 2018 1:20:04 GMT 1
OOC: This thread is going to basically be constant drawback rolls, isn't it?
[D8 Butterbumped] Zealot drawback Will (Dedication): 6d6k4 14 (failure; engage God(s)mode)
"Maybe I shall write me a book? The confessions of Butterbumps the dwarf! Aye! Aye! Aye!" He offers with smug satisfaction. "Like the Testimony of Mushrooms, only better! Multiple Volumes perhaps? Just this tourney would provide for a thick one." "It will be treasured and hated in equal measure, but my words shall travel throughout the lives and times of dragon kings and kings to come after them and perused by maesters a thousand winters from now trying to glean which half can be believed, and which half one merely wish not to believe!" He jumps from one leg to the other with great enthusiasm. "Through my pen, I shall be immortalized, bringing joy and laughter for the uncounted unborn, oh yes, oh yes." Septon Abelar turns a way for a moment, shaking his head, before being drawn back into an exchange with Butterbumps. "You will be immortalized IN HELLFIRE, YOU LUMPEN EXCUSE FOR A MUMMER! You, an author? That's the first funny thing you've said! I'll HAVE YOU KNOW that I've published over ten volumes myself, and I WILL HASTEN TO PEN AN ENTRY FOR YOU, BECAUSE I FEAR YOUR TIME DRAWING BREATH IS VANISHING AS WE SPEAK!""What shall I write about the fierce septon Abelar, hmm? His eyes were like fire! Molten Fire! I say! But like a mummer's dragon, they only give off light, never heat, all threats and words duly ignored, he wanted other men to burn, always talking of a good roast, but never once delivered so much as a torch" He booms in his storyteller voice, imitating Abelar's upright walk and mannerisms. Abelar's face contorts again with rage as Butterbumps makes it personal. "Mark my words fool, the old ways are coming back, one way or another! Mayhaps a lord with the power of pit and gallows will grant me authority for a mere half-fire, JUST PERFECT FOR BURNING A HALF-MAN! You would not be NEARLY as witty doused in oil and trussed to a bundle of timber!" The septon's eyes are wild, unhinged. This little man has somehow punctured his usual poise. "He had his stick so firmly implanted up his own arse that he would have to twist his entire body to see what might be to his right or left, made it so very easy to notice when he oogled the mighty fine hips on bastard girls wearing tight skirts and tighter bodices as they walked away from him. The septon is practically sputtering to retort to each of Butterbumps' horrid slanders. "It's YOUR arse that will feel the bite of a pyre-spit and--""--I DON'T look like that when I turn--""--SHE WAS WEARING A GOWN, NOT A SKIRT!" He immediately freezes as he realizes what he has said. The many eyes of the crowd are on him, unwelcome for perhaps the first time of his life. Abelar takes an unsteady step backwards, but it's too late. He can see it in the fool's eye. |
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Post by Father on Oct 24, 2018 12:48:52 GMT 1
"Everyone knows that Septon Eustace made things up" The dwarf objects, and he does have a point, even septons are fallible, and Eustace had fallen to the sin of lying to please King Aegon II. "The realms delight bleeding from her thighs makes for good reading, but everybody knows that she was wearing full armor when she sat on the Iron throne, and the blades of Aegon's thousand enemies are not nearly as sharp as my delightful wit" He cackles on, remarking that not even the librarian of Highgarden seems to know about any such ponderous tome, undoubtedly fit for kindling, and if he does not know of any such thing, then it is surely not a book worth reading. But the Testimony of Mushroom is available in a dozen copies for all who would like to read them, and there are a dozen more copies where they came from, just in case some mad zealot sought to undo them. Also, Butterbumps recommends several books with lewd-sounding titles, the reading of which can even make a septa wet and ready, Butterbumps knows for he has indeed read it to a septa, though it is a poor test, for not even silent sisters can withstand the charms and allure of The Butterbumps!
At he septon's final outburst, the dwarf giggles with glee. Noting that surely, the septon would have remembered better than he, having taken such a good look at those hips.
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Post by Father on Oct 24, 2018 14:13:29 GMT 1
Someone like Butterbumps going on as he does gives plenty of people outlets to feed him more juicy gossip, not all of it true, most of it is in fact, not at all, but if it's something people might believe, something they will comment, something that will help restore a wickedly sinful and vile hell-sired half-man as the master and commander of the minds and hearts of others, for there is no greater insult the universe can bestow upon a man than to ignore him, so while not everyone would see it that way, indeed, none are likely to, Butterbumps bestows great honors upon those he speak of it. Years from now, they would read his "confessions" and have a good laugh at how much the fools they were to dance to his tune. Well, their grandchildren at least.
These people are just taking part in the event, not any of the particular scenes with Abelar, Daeron or others. Maegelle slanders: 7d6k5 16 effectively 21 for 6 DoS towards Fire. Normyn feeds the fire: 6d6k5+2 24 effectively 29 for 8 DoS towards Fire. Thaddeus adds kindling to the flames: 6d6k4+3 19 effective 24 for 8 DoS towards Fire. Shiera bitches: 6d6k4 17 effective 22 for 6 DoS towards Fire. Mya is on a roll: 7d6k5 Attractive Reroll: 2d6 18 is effective 23 for 6 DoS towards Blood |
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Post by Alliser on Oct 24, 2018 21:35:20 GMT 1
Day 8 butterbumped stealth blend in: 2d6 9Alliser almost feels bad for the septon. Seeing a man of God brought low by that vile twit was satisfying, but Alliser knew enough about fools to know that their attention span was about as long as a flies and just like the cursed creatures they were drawn to shit. Not having the stomach to deal with some more targeted barbs he decides to try and make an escape while the septon roasted on the pyre of his own making. Seems fitting, seeing as he had set up so many others too burn. Thankfully Malyk and Parmen and other great knights helped things from becoming worse. Almost feels bad, but after his first meeting with the man, not enough to worry himself over the sputtering septon.
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Post by Cleyton Bolton on Oct 27, 2018 19:17:13 GMT 1
Cleyton did what he does best and it was to remain low key as he chuckled at butterbumps jokes and jabbering, as he followed along with the crowd trying to enjoy the time and notices what it said, as sometimes butterbumps does use someone's hidden truths to hurt them in the open leaving them without much choice of retaliation.
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